The Birth

Founder members Elliott Samuels, Dan Dockery, Giles Cooper and Johnny Symons created the Club in February 2000 during the Minsk Club Rally to Cuc Phuong National Park, hastily forming a seven-a-side team for their debut match against a Cuc Phuong National Park All-Star Seven. The match was no classic, with both teams struggling to adapt to the conditions of the pitch and the goalposts (2 La Vie bottles, 1 soup tin and a fleece jacket). With the scores almost level, the match had to be abandoned when a ranger confiscated the ball. Humble beginnings for a team destined for greatness.

By the start of summer 2000, the team had established its training camp at Van Phuc, and gathered sufficient numbers to start playing regular Sunday fixtures against the team known as 'Brazil'. The matches were generally played too early to recover from Saturday night hangovers, and the Men in Orange (as we were then known) had a run of disappointing results. Some players blamed the team medic, who was convinced that multiple doses of the diet pill Dinintel on the Saturday nights would boost performances.

Other international matches were played against the Hanoi Motorcycle Club, and the Apollo language school, the first resulting in a very unlucky 5-6 loss, and the second in a very comfortable 13-8 victory.But the defining moment in the early days was playing in the Hanoi Minsk Club Challenge Cup match against their old foes, Brazil (who were strangely playing in Arsenal's colours), at the Hanoi National Stadium.Playing in a setting reminiscent of Wembley Stadium in its glory days, both teams gave it their all. The Minsk Club's performance was markedly improved thanks to the introduction of new team medic, Martin, who magically relieved all ailments thanks to his supplies of ruou and thuoc lao. The final score was a disappointing 1-3 loss, but the performance was significant enough to headline the Time-Out photo page.

The Bleak Years

In 2002, the team turned semi-professional. Out went the cotton Holland shirts, and in came the shiny polyester Holland shirts with matching shorts, and a management team armed with clipboards. The future was bright, or so we thought, as we made our first appearance in the Hanoi League. Colin Campbell took the reigns as manager, assisted by Club accountant Marc Jessop. After years of drinking culture and a policy of whoever turns up first plays, the team was, for the first time, picked on ability and whoever had the longest socks. It was a rude awakening for some of the short-socked veterans.

Six teams participated in the winter 2002 league: The Hanoi Capitals (abnormally-sized north-western Europeans), Laska (local drinking water distributors); the Drink Team (occasionally temperamental Frenchmen), Japan Embassy (non-Japanese staff only), Minsk FC (handsome bastards), and FPT (local internet service providers). Minsk FC stats: Played 10, Won 0, Drew 3, Lost 7, Goals for 8, Goals against 32, Points, er, 3. Those draws were wonderful, but the large volume of conceded goals was, unfortunately, deemed enough for our goalkeeper, Thuan Sinner' Steal, to decide it was time to move on to alternative leisure activities. (Even though we won the fair play award)

So, for the summer 2003, in came a new goalkeeper, Ali Ba Ba Orr-Ewing, and with him, our first ever sponsorship. The fluorescent orange kit was out, and fluorescent yellow shirts came in. We were, temporarily, the Minsk Club Football United in Chesterton KIT. Also, we acquired our first player-medic. One of the features of the previous season was that our form collapsed in the second half, and Dan Trau had a novel suggestion: shots of ruou for everyone at half time. Did the performances improve? With the same teams in the league (apart from the Tea Export Company replacing the Japan Embassy), we posted incredible statistics of: Played 10, Won 0, Drew 1, Lost 9.

Did we despair, or stop getting hammered the night before, or even consider quitting? Never. How many other teams could discover the true euphoria of one who has hit rock bottom only to discover that bottom is merely a door to another purer world? Besides, we won the fair play award.

The Men in Black

By the autumn of 2003, with Minsk FC league career stats of Played 20, Won 0, it's quite conceivable that weaker (and less handsome) people may have started to look for other ways to spend their Saturdays.

Not us. Our rock of a captain, Colin Campbell, was determined to lead us out from the hell we had created for ourselves (and no-one else was going to do it). He realized that there was only one way our stats could go. You can't get minus points unless you are Italian. And with some spanking new sleeveless black tee-shirts and a new name, MUC (aka Minsk United Club), we knew we couldn't look any worse.

Once again there were six teams in the league: the Drink Team were still there (and still containing some slightly temperamental Frenchmen); the Capitals were still there (with an ever more Scandinavian feel), FPT were still there (but much depleted as they had to work Saturdays). The Laska Water and Tea Export brands of football were gone (you could say relegated if they hadn't finished 1st and 3rd in the previous league); the Japan Embassy were back (still looking very Vietnamese); and Archetype (a type of architect company) were making their debut appearance.

Sure enough, the elusive first league victory was soon to come. And who better to achieve it against than the Hanoi Capitals (Read the match review here). Eat That! Suddenly, football was fun again, and most importantly, the dressing room spirit was back. We'd been in the trenches together, and although we may have lost a few brothers (and sisters: Heidi, Sao Mai, Saeko, Mai, we salute you) along the way, the soul of the team was very much alive, and dreams had finally become reality. Not only did we see off the Capitals, we also gave the new boys Archetype and the part timers FPT lessons in Minsk style football. Our stats for the season: Played 10, Won 3, Drew 2, Lost 5, Goals for 18, Goals against 20, Position 4th. Marvelous!

Having brought us so far, Colin decided it was time to relinquish his management duties, and the team embarked on the great socialist experiment of Captain for the Week for the following 2004-2005 season. Everyone would get their turn to lead the side, and more importantly, to choose the starting teams and formations. The era of the e-mail banter had arrived. We started competing for the most adventurous team formation: would it be the doves of peace, or the shrimps, or the tanks? No, the winner by a country mile was Ali's camp fire huddle' formation (where all 14 members of the squad were positioned in a broken circle just outside our own penalty area): no opposition team would be able to cope with that, unless they went down the left wing.

The season was so good in terms of spirit, and since we were unbridled of having a proper organization structure, that we have no records of the results, because everyone thought someone else would take care of it. It was probably Played 12, Won 4, Drew 4, Lost 4, and we probably finished mid-table, and quite possibly, for the first time, did not win the fair play award. We didn't care, we were too busy writing amusing e-mails and building our team for the following season's assault on the top.

Life at the Top

2005-2006 may or may not turn out to be the pinnacle season in Minsk FC folklore. We'd finally shaken off that minnows tag; we were no longer occasional giant killers, we were actual real life giants. And we were more handsome than ever. The socialist experiment in rotating captaincy had gone, and it was left to Johnny Symons, as the only squad member out of employment, to take up the gaffership.

As the average age of the team was creeping up to the early to mid thirties, it was time to introduce some young blood and we brought in Ryan Mundy, the baby faced assassin and A level student. Suddenly, from scraping around on the phone 10 minutes before kick-off to see who could come, we had a proper squad. We even had a spare practice ball.And new shirts! In a tip of the hat to our small French contingent, we became Les Bleus for a season. We almost had a sponsor too, in Kingsland water. It was only after we had put their crest on our shirts that we found out they were offering 100,000VND instead of 100USD.

The league was growing in popularity now, and 8 teams were involved: Archetype, Archipel (the best players from Archetype), the Drink Team, the Capitals, Techcombank, the Friends of AC Milan. Our first game was a night game against Archipel, and we comfortably saw them off 4-1. Then we won our next game. And the next. And the next. Who are these handsome bastards, everyone must have been thinking. In fact our stats after the first 13 games were Won 11, Drew 2. Championship material. However, Archipel, despite being thrown out of the league for fielding ineligible players, were allowed back in and won every game. And so it all came down to the reverse fixture on the last day of the season. Archipel were one point ahead of us, and we needed to beat them again. We couldn't manage it, and lost to a good first half goal, thus finishing 2nd in the league. But we remained handsome bastards, and if the organizers of the league had bothered to buy a golden boot, they would have had to give it to our Ryan: 13 goals, more than the entire team in its entire history (almost).